


You're Still the One

by krovrnn



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Academia, Dark Academia, M/M, Mental Illness, Poetry, Romance, mlm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29792436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krovrnn/pseuds/krovrnn
Summary: As a fight for self worth rampages through the students of Welton Academy, support is found from the new, liberal-minded english teacher, Mr. Keating. The halls of this school`tell the story of a youthful, tragic romance between the willful Neil Perry and Todd Anderson. By route of loss and triumph, the boys find their way in a world unwanting of individuality and self expression through written word and risky choices, and are met finally with a chance for a path of nonconformity.
Relationships: Anderperry - Relationship, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Kudos: 5





	1. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a fight for self worth rampages through the students of Welton Academy, support is found from the new, liberal-minded english teacher, Mr. Keating. The halls of this school`tell the story of a youthful, tragic romance between the willful Neil Perry and Todd Anderson. By route of loss and triumph, the boys find their way in a world unwanting of individuality and self expression with written word and risky choices, and are met finally with a chance for a go at the path of nonconformity.

Hollow can describe things here at Welton more accurately than any other word. The room’s of this building, though filled with people, are hollow in spirit. The faces of people walking past me are hollow, with nothing but what seems like anger or exhaustion behind their eyes. Even the four pillars that reportedly hold this school together: Tradition, Honor, Discipline, Excellence, are hollow and meaningless in retrospect. Nonetheless, I'll follow. 

The welcoming ceremony for the new students lasts for what feels like ages, Mr.Nolan, our headmaster gives his, i’m assuming, annual speech on how great this school is and on and on. By the end, all the families are flooding out of the halls giving their greetings to Nolan one by one. As we approach, my father takes Nolans hand and shakes it, exchanging greetings. 

“This is our youngest.” My mother says, puting Mr.Nolan's focus onto me. 

“You have some big shoes to fill, young man.” he says, shaking my hand.” Your brother was one of our finest.” Of course, I was waiting for my brother, Jefferey’s spotlight to shine. I’m surprised it didn’t light up faster. I’ve never had to worry about being anything special because of him, he seems to always come up in conversation and was my parents obvious favorite but it never worried me. When I was young I never thought anyone could be better than him, I suppose I still do. I briefly give thanks before scurrying out of the line with my parents.

“I hope you’ll learn to hold better conversation here son, your brother had that down early on.” My father explains, patting his hand on my shoulder. 

“Yes sir, i’ll work on it.” I say, wanting nothing more than to push this conversation away and move on. A bell tolls somewhere in the distance, signaling for all the parents to retreat to their homes, leaving us in this hellhole of institutionalism. I give a brief goodbye to my father and kiss my mother on the cheek before walking back through the sea of crying grade schoolers latching onto their mothers, desperately begging to be brought back home. I’d do that too if I could, I want nothing more then to go back to my old school. 

Passing through a large gate, I head down a path towards a large three story brick building just off of the main school. Inside, the walls are barren and brown, and a staircase sits in front of the entrance, winding up each floor. As I make my way up to the second floor, I blindly walk around for a minute, lost in the expanse of the building trying to find my way, when I lock eyes with another boy around my age, carrying two suitcases in his hands. He’s around average height, like me, with a thin face. His harsh features and dark hair stick out and I see him eyeing me, his thick eyebrows locked in a furrowed gaze. He quickly releases them as though he's figured out everything he needs to know, and lights up. 

“Hey, I hear we’re gonna be roommates,” He says, as he passes one of the bags into his other hand and grabs my hand to shake on the greeting. 

“I’m Neil Perry.” 

“Todd Anderson.” I respond. His grasp was firm, sure and oddly comforting. 

“Why’d you leave Balincrest?” He asks. _How’d he know so much? I’ve never even heard of this kid before, his father must know my family._ I think, confusion flustered confusion passing over my face. 

“My brother went here.” I answer, per usual, time to talk about Jeffrey. 

“Oh, so you’re that Anderson.” He says bluntly, his tone uninterested but easy. I nod and surprisingly he walks away before saying anything about Jefferey, leaving me with a wave and a smile. 

I shake my head slightly to rid myself of nervousness and continue to walk around, heading in the general direction Neil went, assuming he was heading to our dorm. Walking through a hallway crammed with people I pass by a father talking feverishly to the school nurse about his sons medical problems, going over a long check list of everything there is to know and I let out a laugh as I see the nurse completely turn away from him mid sentence and walk away, surely annoyed by the strange man. Up ahead I see Neil walk into a room and make my way towards it, bumping into people in an ungraceful way. A short redhead is blocking the doorway talking to Neil,

“...hey, I hear you’ve got the new kid. Looks like a stiff!” As soon as he says this he makes eye contact with me. I ignore his statement and push past setting mythings down on my bed. 

“Oops.” He says and I notice Neil shoots him a look while forcing down a laugh and pushes him out of the room. 

“Listen, don’t mind cameron. He was born with a foot in his mouth, you know what I mean?” he coos, as he takes the papers that were once in his jacket pocket and jokingly whacks me on the shoulder. I hold eyes with him for a second and give him a slight smile and a nod before a boy appears in the doorframe, he’s on the shorter side with a smug look plastered across his face. The code enforced short-cut hair frames his soft face and he began a conversation with Niel. Behind him, I notice a ginger boy with a pointy face and tortoiseshell glasses resting perfectly on his nose and another boy with brown hair that rests on his forehead carrying a naturally nervous look on his face. The boys seem to not notice me so I turn back around and carefully unpack my bags. I hear mentions of summer school before the smirking guy speaks louder, 

“Meeks. Door. Closed.” he commands pointing at the redhead. Meeks mumbles out a

“Yes Sir.” before shutting the door. This time, Neil speaks up, 

“Gentleman, what are the four pillars?” He asks as soon as the door clicks shut. 

“Travesty. Horror. Decadence. Excrement.” Is chanted from the four in unison and I let out a slight laugh as I continued to unpack my things by my bed . The confident boy makes himself comfortable on Neil’s bed and lights up a cigarette as the other two lean on a wall, their conversation carries on, with mentions of a study group and a diss on Cameron, until Meeks notices me for the first time. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, my name is Steven Meeks.” He says. I begin to stumble on my words to introduce myself when I see Neil jump up, 

“Oh, this is Todd Anderson.” He quickly says, apology hinting in his voice from, I assume, forgetting to introduce me, not that I mind. Meeks shakes my hand and I return the gesture when the guy laying on the bed speaks out, 

“Charlie Dalton.” He says remaining comfortable with a crooked smile across his face. I nod to him and see a hand extend out to me from the last unnamed boy. 

“Knox Overstreet.” He states, flashing a smile and shaking my hand. 

“Todd’s brother was Jeffery Anderson.” Neil says to paint them a better picture. 

“Oh sure! Valedictorian, national merit scholar... the whole package.” Charlie says in a mocking tone. 

“Well, welcome to Hellton.” Meeks says with a laugh.

“It’s just as tough as they say,” Carlie adds 

“Unless you’re a genius like Meeks.” 

“He flatters me,” Meeks states matter-of-factly before giving him a smile.

“That's why I help him with latin.” 

“And english, and trig!” he jokes, shoving him with his foot. A knock on the door sounds and Charlie scrambles to stamp out his cigarette. Neil calls for the visitor to enter, and an older man enters. He’s on the shorter side with a balding hairline, his thick eyebrows furrow into a point and wrinkles on his forehead show that that’s their resting position. I see a wave of nerves flow over Neil’s face as he quickly stands up to greet the man. 

“Father, I thought you’d gone.” he lets out. I see the other boys stand up to greet him before the man quickly tells them to keep their seats. He speaks in a booming proud voice now directed at Neil, 

“I was speaking with Mr.Nolan and decided you’re taking too many extracurriculars this year. We think it’ d be best if you dropped the school annual.” Neil’s face immediately falls with concern and he begins his rebute, 

“But I’m the assistant editor this year.” 

“Well, I’m sorry Neil.” His father says bluntly.

“But father, I couldn’t! It wouldn't be fair.” He pleads, his voice letting out a crack from confusion. I see anger flash across the old man's face before asks to excuse himself and Neil for a moment. Knox looks to me with a saddened expression as the two leave for the hallway. We all stay silent for what feels like ages, listening to murmurs coming from Neil and his father outside the room, when Charlie speaks up.

“Mr.Perry’s always been like that. Because Neil’s the only kid, he wants the best for him and thinks the way to do it is by forcing him to be a model student. I just wish he could do something about it, but he thinks that wont do anything but give him a death sentence.” I let out a hum in understanding as we sat in silence waiting for Neil’s return. 

When he walks back in the room, I turn away and set up my desk, listening in on what he has to say. 

“Why doesn’t he let you do what you want?” Charlie asks. 

“Yeah Neil,” Knox adds, “tell him off. It couldn’t get any worse.” Neil lets out a laugh after listening to what the two had to say. 

“Yeah, that’s rich. Like you guys tell your parents off, Mr. Future Lawyer and Mr.Future Banker.” 

“Ok, so I don’t like it anymore then you do.” Charlie responds.

“Just don't tell me how to handle my father when you guys are the exact same way.” Annoyance laces Neil’s voice as he walks across the room. 

“Alright, alright, we’ll lay off.” Knox begins, “So what are you gonna do?” 

“What I have to do.” Neil responds, letting out a defeated sigh, “Drop the annual.” 

“Well don't lose too much sleep over it, It’s just a bunch of jerks trying to impress Nolan.” Charlie states in an attempt to make Neil feel better. It doesn't seem to work when he snaps back, 

“I don’t care. I don’t give a damn about any of it.” The room stays quiet, only the sound of me stacking books is heard when Meeks speaks up, 

“Well, Latin, eight o’ clock, my room?” Everyone gives their responses in agreeance when meeks talks again, this time directed towards me. 

“You’re welcome to join us.” 

“Yeah, come along man.” Knox adds. I give a smile and a thanks as I'm setting my alarm clock when I look around to see Neil watching me, when he realizes I saw him a look of embarrassment spreads across his face and he ducks his eyes away to go back to putting his things away. 

It’s evening time when I’ve finally settled myself into my new lodge and all the boys once gathered here have since left to get their dinners. My nerves stopped me from going down with them so I stayed in the room and snacked on a bag of some off-brand chips while I went over the courses I’m taking this year. My eyes flick over to Neil’s things. A few sweaters are laid out across his bed and an extra pair of shoes are near the foot of his desk. Books of his are stacked on the shared nightstand between our beds and scan over the names. Compilations of short stories and novels are there but a copy of _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ stands out as the only recognizable title. I pick it up and sit back down on my bed, opening the battered cover, the pages are empty and frayed except for the printed words and the smell of old paper wafts towards me. I fan through the pages until something catches my eye, an out of place photograph of a young boy sitting on a lawn with a dog much bigger than himself. A smile is plastered across the kids face, so contagious I begin to grin looking down at him. 

“You like Wilde that much?” A playful voice chimes in and I quickly close the book and look up to see Neil standing in the doorframe. He lets out a laugh and enters the room taking the book from my hands. 

“I'm sorry, I've never read it, I just recognized the name and wanted to look at it-” I explain before being cut off. 

“No worries, Todd. Keep it for now, I think you might like it.” Neil says with a smile. 

“This was my favorite book throughout grade school. I read it as though my life depended on it. Explains why it’s in such shitty condition.” He says, rubbing his thumb over top of the tattered lettering on the books cover. I let out a laugh and scratch at the back of my neck when I see him subtly slip the picture out from the inside of the book and put it in his pocket before handing the book to me.

“Why weren’t you at dinner?” He asks concern hovering in his voice. 

“Wasn’t hungry.” I say bluntly, it was true. The feeling of his eyes watching me are searing so I get up to walk off my nerves while he looks around his things. The small digital clock on my desk reads around 7:40 pm as I reach into my dresser to grab a light shirt and an old pair of plaid pants, placing them on my desk. The whole time I catch myself glancing at Neil as he shuffles through his books to find some papers. Like he knows I’m watching him, he looks up, catching my eyes and embarrassment rushes to my cheeks as I immediately turn away. 

“So, are you always this shy?” He asks, breaking the silence of the room. I give a confused look to him before remembering I should respond, 

“I guess, I never really think about it.” 

“We don't make you nervous do you?’ Neil questions, “I know Charlie might seem like alot but he’s more or less a prude. And about Cameron, again nothing to worry about with him, my father makes me keep good terms with him so our families can get along. If he bothers you for anything just tell him to shut up, he's not used to getting told so it will do him some good.” His gentle voice fills my ears and I can’t help but feel comforted by his concern. 

“Don't worry, it’s not that. I’ve never been very outgoing, It’s nothing.” I assure him. 

“Well, I'm sure it’s not nothing, but you don't have to tell me now. One day we can get to it.” he says with a grin and I return the smile. He stares at me for a second longer before his eyes pass down to the clock. 

“Study group in ten, are you gonna come?” He asks, grabbing a couple more books. 

“I’m going to pass for now, I’m kind of tired.” I respond. I can see a hint of disappointment in his face before he continues, 

“Well, you will be missed. If you’re asleep before I come back, good night!” And with that he waves goodbye and leaves for Meeks’ room. 

It’s been less than an hour that Neil’s been gone, changing into different clothes, I think about today. My parents didn't seem very sad to see me go, but I guess I wasn’t going to miss them much either. Charlie and Meeks seemed very sure that the classes will be hard, so I’m dreading tomorrow's beginning, it definitely won't be an eventful day. When I finally lay down, my thoughts are racing, yet the first person to come to mind is Neil. Something about him stood out to me, he’s so friendly it almost hurts. He seems to enjoy so much, but I'm quickly reminded of his father and the way Neil’s mood immediately changed from just being in the same room as him. He’s a very interesting person, especially with all the questions he asks. I don't think I hate it though, it’s nice to have someone ask about me rather than assume they can tell everything I am after taking one look at me. Finally my eyes begin to become more and more heavy and I soon drift into sleep. 

  
  



	2. II

Six chiming tolls wake me with a jump, the birds outside flock away, just as disturbed as myself. Wiping my eyes, I stretch my arm out to grab the glass of water sitting on the bedside table, knocking off a pair of reading glasses in the process. As I finally sit up, I take a sip. It tastes old and room temperature, not at all refreshing but I didn’t mind. I glance over to Neil who's still passed out, unmoved by the bells. His head rests on his arm facing towards the ceiling and his mouth hangs slightly open. I notice a small mole on his chin sitting out, and his eyebrows lay relaxed. He looks almost blissful and my mouth crooks upwards in a smile, but a blush floods my cheeks as I quickly turn away once I realized what I was doing. Our first class begins at 7:30, so I had plenty of time. I picked up the book that sat on the table, and sat up to read per Neil’s recommendation. For some reason, the idea of having something to talk about with him got me really excited. After a while though, my head begins to bob as the words slur together, and I realize I should probably get out of bed before falling asleep again. I headed to the bathrooms to get the gross morning breath out of my mouth and fix my hair before going back to the room. Once I return, I sit down at my desk and brush up on my schedule. None of the classes I’m signed up for jumped out at me, I've never excelled at anything in particular and it was never a problem. My parents were too busy making sure Jeffery was perfect that as long as I was passing, it was like I wasn't there, I liked it that way. Though, as I’m scanning down the list my eyes fall to the english literature course at the bottom. I’ve always found writing much easier than speaking, but I don't think I could be creative enough to do anything with it. The new teacher seemed interesting enough though, I mean, if you give up your life in a whole other country, you’re either incredibly dedicated or on the run. Plus, he didn’t look ancient which is always positive. Glancing at the clock on my desk, the time now reads around 6:40, I’d passed enough time that I could start getting ready for school, I wish I were able to sleep in more often. Standing up, I trip over the leg of my chair and stumble on one foot with a thud. Glancing to Neil I hear a shuffle as he adjusts his position seemingly undisturbed and I sigh in relief. Stepping over, more gracefully this time, to my clothes, I pull out my uniform of grey slacks and a white button up, grabbing a grey sweater vest with the welton seal on the chest and our mandatory black and red trim blazer. The room's chilled air hits my exposed back as I pull my green sweater over my head and goosebumps raise on the nape of my neck. My eyes catch in the small mirror on my desk and I look down at my torso. The outline of my collarbone sticks out and my awkward, broad shoulders are prominent without a bulky jacket to cover them up.I look like I was built to bump into things, I laugh to myself while poking myself in the chest with my hand. After looking at myself for a second longer, I feel the hot stares of someone's eyes on me and immediately turn around to the beds. There, Neil lays propped up on his elbow, his wrist bent backwards holding his cheek. With his once resting face now open and grinning, I quickly bump into the desk behind me to grab a shirt, pulling it over my head as soon as possible before he speaks up.  
“Checking yourself out? Who have you got to impress already?” Neils playful tone sounds in my ears and a blush fills the apples of my cheeks.  
“I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep. I’ll go to the bathroom-” I attempt to reply before being quickly cut off.  
“Don’t worry, I’m no creep. You can stay.” He assures and a slight annoyance raises in my mind at how odd he is. He turns away and I grab my pants and change into them as fast as possible, but this is quickly disturbed again by his smooth voice,  
“You’re up early, how’d you sleep?” He asks. My head turns to look at him while I button up my pants, I seem to have forgotten about how many questions he likes to ask.  
“Uh, fine, I guess. I still have to get used to sleeping in a different place, but I’ll get adjusted to it eventually.” I say, tossing him a friendly smile while I put on a pair of socks. He sits up and stretches his arms above his head, letting out a groan as he rubs the corners of eyes to get rid of the sleep. Practically jumping out of bed, he hops over to his things and pulls out his uniform for the day while I sit on my bed and check through my bags. Looking up, I lock eyes with him for a quick second and see him smile as he walks out of the room. For the second time already a warm sensation fills my face,  
Why am I like this? I think, holding my chilled hands to my cheek in an attempt to cool them off. I found myself around Neil to be a whole new challenge.

A herd of boys make their way downstairs to the school building, I’m nearly trampled on my way to my first class, chemistry, where already our teacher has assigned multiple tasks. Next onto latin, my class drones out the repeating root words, synchronized and monotone, lifeless and hollow. After, our math teacher threatens our final grade in trig as soon as possible, and by the end of that class, my peers are practically running to their fourth period wanting to get through the rest of the day as fast as possible. As I enter, I take a seat at the front of the far left row of desks. Meeks sits two desks to the right of me and Neil is behind in the row parallel to my own. Glancing at him, I see him talking to a boy at the desk behind his own. He’s noticeably taller than most, his torso standing broad and proud and his black crew cut frames his long face that is topped off by a goofy smile. Behind them, Charlie and Knox laugh with each other after throwing a paper ball at the back of the hypochondriac, Spaz’s head. The class laughs amongst each other and I sit watching.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a man peeking out behind the wall of a back room in the class. I recognize him as our teacher, Mr.Keating. He smiled before quickly ducking back behind the wall. A puzzled look spreads across my face and I look around to see nobody else noticed him, before I hear a high pitched melody begin.  
Keating walks out, strutting proudly to the front of the room, all while whistling the 1812 overture. The once loud class fell into silence at the sight of him, and a unanimous wave of confusion washes over our faces when he walks out of the room without a word. I find myself glancing at Neil who was already looking at me, giving him a quizzed look. After a second of nobody moving, Keating’s head again shoots out from the side of the frame and this time he speaks up,  
“Well come on!” He says as if we should’ve known to go with him and he gestures his hand for us to follow him. With still wavering confusion, the boys stand up slowly, grabbing their books and following Mr.Keating into the halls. He takes us to the entrance of the building where a large case of past student classes and trophies lines the wall. The teacher waits for us to join him and I study his character, he’s on the smaller side and dressed modestly in a pair of brown slacks and a white button up with a striped tie lining his neck. His face was warm and approachable, like you could immediately trust him with your deepest secret, and a smile seemingly permanently rests on his face.  
““Oh Captain, My Captain.” Who knows where that's from?” He asks in a most gentle voice. My head perks up as I recognize the saying. It was a poem written by Whitman about president lincoln, i’d take an interest in it after reading it in a book on Whitman. Even knowing this, I don’t speak up, but Keating catches my eyes and gives me a glance as though he can see inside my head and can tell I know the answer.  
“Not a clue?” He questions before continuing, “It’s a poem by Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln.” I let out a small smile to myself knowing I was right. “Now, in this class you can call me Mr.Keating or, if you’re slightly more daring, Oh Captain, My Captain.”  
My peers let out a laugh, the tension of the room beginning to subside when he speaks again,  
“Now let me dispel a few rumors so they don't fester into facts. Yes, I too attended Hell-ton and survived. And no, at that time I was not the mental giant you see before you. I was the intellectual equivalent of a ninety-eight pound weakling. I would go to the beach and people would kick copies of Byron in my face.” This time, we all laughed. This only one confused was Cameron whose unnecessary note taking was interrupted by Knox hitting his book out of his grasp. It was obvious keating wasn’t anything like our other teachers and my entire class began to get a bit excited. Keating, letting the laughter die down glances at the papers in his hands.  
“Now, Mr. Pitts.” He says looking up to scan the room, “That's a rather unfortunate name isn't it. Mr. Pittz, where are you?” The boy I remember speaking to Neil at the beginning of the class raises his hand nervously, his long arm reaching into the air while Charlie and Meeks snicker next to him. Keating gives Pitts a stanza of a poem to read aloud from our books and we all open to read along.  
“To the virgins, to make much of time?” He asks, making sure he's on the right part.  
“Yes, that's the one. Somewhat appropriate, isn't it.” Keating replies with a chuckle and wide eyes.  
“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a flying, and this same flower that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying." He reads. A dark gloom washes over us.  
“Thank you Mr. Pitts. "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may." The Latin term for that sentiment is Carpe Diem. Now who knows what that means?” Keating sounds. Meeks’ hand goes up when he speaks up.  
“Carpe Diem. That’s “seize the day””.  
“Thank you Mr.- ?”  
“Meeks.”  
“Meeks. Another unusual name.” Keating jokes. “Seize the day, gather ye rosebuds while ye may. Why does the author use these lines?” He asks. Charlie, who was leaning on the wall in the back of the crowd speaks up this time,  
“Because he's in a hurry!”  
“No, errrrr! Thank you for playing anyways.” Keating says while he slams his hand down, imitating a buzzer, causing a laugh to erupt from everyone. I notice Charlie looking at Neil, an excited and disbelieving smile on his face.  
“The author uses these words because we are food for worms lads. Because, believe it or not, each and everyone of us in this room is going to one day stop breathin, go cold, and die.” A silence is left over the room after Keating says this, and we all closely watch as he turns away from us towards the trophy case and begins again,  
“Now I would like you to step forward over here and peruse some of the faces from the past. You've walked past them many times. I don't think you've really looked at them.” I walk forward towards the case and study a photo in front of me as my peers do the same. They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you.” He says while pacing behind us. He soon stops and takes a place behind us in the middle. “ Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in.” We all collectively shuffle in, knowing the photographs won't speak to us, but interested nonetheless.  
“Carpe…” A gruff whisper arises from beside Cameron and I see him glance, aggravated at Keating. “Hear it?” Mr. Keating says this time in his normal voice.  
“Carpe… Carpe diem. Seize the day boys… Make your lives extraordinary.” He continues in the gruff voice. Everyone around me stares at the cabinets, and we again feel a wave of gloom.

The rest of class was uneventful, we walked back and Keating allowed us to work on any other assignments, expressing that we would begin work the next class period and that was it. When the bell rang I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and look over to see Charlie smiling at me and Knox to the other side of him. .  
“So, pretty exciting first day.” He says. Neil walks up on my other side and lets out a laugh.  
“Indeed.” He says, excitement behind his voice. He notices Charlie's arm around me and I see his expression change for a second, into something resembling… jealousy? It’s gone as soon as it comes but it was definitely there. My thoughts are cut off by Meeks and Pitts running up behind us trying to catch up. Pitts speaks up first,  
“That was weird.” He says, a goofy smile plastered on his face.  
“But different!” Neil replies, the excitement still there.  
“Spooky if you ask me.” Knox says, referring to the grim subject.  
“Do you think he’ll text us on that stuff?” Cameron says, I hadn’t noticed him trotting behind Meeks until just now and I couldn’t help but get slightly annoyed.  
“C’mon Cameron, don't you get anything?” Charlie says, obviously irritated. Cameron stops walking before speaking,  
“What? What?” he questions entirely oblivious. We leave him behind as we walk away. The rest of my classes for the day were especially boring compared to the previous english class, but it ended eventually.

The time when most people showered was shortly after dinner, but I had planned to escape and go back by myself later that night. To no avail, Neil caught my arm as I was about to leave and told me to come with them. I’ve always hated communal showers and wasn't about to start liking them today, but I reluctantly agreed and walked away with them. Shortly after I had finished cleaning off and gotten dressed, I heard everyone outside talking. Meeks was checking with everyone who was coming to the study group and Knox had been invited out to dinner with the Danberrys. I hid out one of the stalls for as long as possible before being yelled at by some random boy to get out. Once I’m forced out of hiding I walk across the room to a seat by the window. Steam in the room keeps my hair from drying completely while I sit and wait. My eyes wander to Neil, whose back was facing me. His shoulders were slim in contrast to mine, and his pale skin was scattered with freckles. His shoulder blade stuck out sharply and his lower back had two dimples that dipped into his spine right above the towel that rested on his hips. Charlie brushes past me knocking me out of whatever trance I was in, and I meet his eyes. He gave me a look as if to mock me that was accompanied by a smirk and I quickly looked down at the floor before he could notice the warmth that had spread across my face. Embarrassment glued my eyes to the floor for the next five minutes, even when I saw a hand snapping in front of my face it was difficult to move, but then I met Neil’s eyes.  
“Hey, you coming to the study group tonight?” He asks me.  
“Uh, no. No, I uh, have some history I wanna do.” I say, still embarrassed by the knowledge that I was caught earlier.  
“Suit yourself.” He says, a smile on his face but disappointment lingering in his voice. And with that I get up and exit the room with the rest of the boys, walking back to our rooms. When I get there, Neil excuses himself and heads straight to Meeks room and I’m left alone, sitting at my desk. I let out a sigh before opening up a textbook sitting on my desk and I began to read a chapter, though I wasn't really reading, It was more like I was looking at words. For some reason, the words said by Mr.Keating wouldn’t leave my head, the thought of seizing the day. What am I even doing here? These thoughts struck my mind with confusion as I scribbled the words ‘Carpe Diem’ onto a piece of paper in front of me. I couldn’t do anything but look at it. Read it over and over, as if my life depended on it until the word made me sick. I slammed my hand on it and crumpled it into a ball throwing it against the wall in front of me. I sit there, my hands in my head, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time. Thinking of today, of the future, of Keating. Thinking of Charlie, of the way he looked at me like he knew my deepest secrets before I did, and that scared the hell out of me. I let out a frustrated groan before laying down in my bed to sleep off my nerves, but not before taking a glimpse at Neil’s bed and a slight pang hit my heart. I quickly brush it off and take a deep breath, facing away from the room towards the wall and shut my eyes for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend didnt edit this bc they suck shit so blame them if I fuck up the grammar <3


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